


Reality

by GhostWhispers



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Author is Schizophrenic, Coming of Age, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Hallucinations, M/M, Psychiatric medication, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Schizophrenia, eventual DLAMP - Freeform, literally everyone suffers, mentions of torture, no beta we die like men, schizophrenia au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 03:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20382667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostWhispers/pseuds/GhostWhispers
Summary: schiz·o·phre·ni·a/ˌskitsəˈfrēnēə,ˌskitsəˈfrenēə/noun; PSYCHIATRYa long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation.It's common for children to have imaginary friends; beings composed by the mind to cope with loneliness and other complicated emotions. These "friends" go away with age.Thomas Sanders' never went away. In fact, they more and more factored into Thomas' decision making as the man slowly lost grip on reality more and more-can the assets of his "imagination" stop the very forces driving him to the brink? What will they have to sacrifice on the way? Read to find out!'Aka, the schizophrenia AU (written by an actual schizophrenic) that nobody asked for that explores the question: why does Thomas have sides?'





	Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Aye! The names Oliver. Welcome to this fic!
> 
> Please note that the rating of this story may change. Make sure you read the tags and heed the warnings at the beginning of every chapter. Let me know if I forget to tag anything!
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: doctors offices, light swearing, talk of psychiatric medication, mentions of mental illness, graphic symptoms of [3rd person] schizophrenia and the hallucinations that come along with it, brief mention of wanting to torture someone.
> 
> Disclaimer: While this work is based on schizophrenia and is written by someone who has the disorder, it doesn't represent schizophrenia itself. Elements of it will be made up and/or exaggerated. As for the realistic parts, please understand that the symptoms are based off my own experiences. I do not speak for others, every person is different.
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> -Oliver

"Thomas?" Dr. Limin asked, causing the glassy-eyed boy across the desk to look away from the corner of the room. "What's," She hesitated, remembering the characteristics of Thomas' hallucinations. "Who's over there?"

"My friend, Roman." Thomas replied as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world.

The doctor looked down at the patient file on her desk. She had seen a multitude of cases over the years ranging from selective mutism to severe PTSD, but never one quite like this. Dr. Limin found herself sympathizing for the young boy, as he had a rough road of recovery ahead of him.

**'Gainesville Pediatric Psychology**

**Sanders, Thomas;**

**Age: 9**

**Sex: Male**

**Diagnosis: ???'**

She wrote down "hallucinations," on her paper. She took a moment to raise her head to look at him. Thomas was back to looking back at the corner, giggling quietly at seemingly nothing—to her. She was getting a good idea of how to fill the final empty line of his sheet.

"Who is Roman? Is he nice?"

"He's really tall and he's a handsome prince—the most handsome-ist prince in the world," Thomas cheered. "He saves people!"

"He sounds nice," she tried to make herself sound cheerful and not let the concern leak through her smile. "What is he talking about?"

"He and Virgil won't stop arguing." the doctor frowned. She'd never heard of Virgil before.

"About what?" Dr. Limin inquired, leaning forward in her chair.

"Virgil doesn't think it's a good idea to let you be our friend."

_Oh._

"Why does he think that?"

"He says you ask too many questions and that you're going to take him away!" He yelled, causing her to grimace at the sudden loud noise.

The doctor leaned forward in her chair as she pondered her decision. She didn't want to distress Virgil--or Thomas, really--by pushing the boy to do something he didn't want to. "Can you ask him if it's alright if I ask him one more?"

A pause.

"He said yes."

"Is Virgil nice too?"

"Yeah! He makes sure I stay safe. He always tells me if food is po-" Thomas furrowed his brows as he tried to pronounce the word. "Poisoned. But sometimes he says mean things about the others. Sometimes it's funny though, Roman loves joking about how we looks like one of those kitties with the masks." Dr. Limin smiled at that.

"Do you mean a raccoon?"

"Yeah! Mommy says that raccoons can't come in the house and Roman says Virgil shouldn't be in the house either."

That's all Dr. Limin needed to hear before she scribbled a few more words on her notepad.

"What do your friends think about your mom and dad, Thomas?" She inquired.

"Mommy always looks sad when I tell her that we're having fun." Thomas looked down with guilt that no child his age should have. "My daddy says that it makes him upset that I don't have any real friends." Thomas' expression turned to one of anger.

"They are real friends! Just because they're mean sometimes doesn't mean they're bad!" He quieted down, frowning. "We all make mistakes. Dee just made more than others, but he didn't mean it! Logan says so!"

The doctor nodded. "Thomas, it isn't necessarily bad," it took a lot of willpower to not add a "right now." Her patient was a mere child and she had to keep reminding herself of that. "That you have the friends you do. You just have to understand that they're invisible, no one else can see them. They're only imaginary; creating by your mind."

"They're real!" Thomas cried.

She sighed out of her nose. Dr. Limin knew there'd be no use in arguing with the boy and it wasn't her job to convince him otherwise. "I'm going to call your parents back in, okay?"

"Okay."

And just like that, Thomas Sanders was back to looking in the corner.

* * *

The mother had wanted to see a doctor for her son's, well, condition, when he started insisting that imaginary friends were real. When he had those "friends" longer than any of the parenting forums she had been on said he should have had. When Thomas kept trying to run away at night to go on one of "Roman's" adventures.

After hours of talking to primary doctors and other parents, she landed on a doctor named Angelica Limin. The woman had experience in hallucinations and multiple kinds of psychotic disorders and wanted to meet Thomas.

At their first appointment they went over the different steps of a full psychological analysis at her son's age. They got input from Thomas' teachers, and son the testing started. After a few days of brain tests and evaluating and questions (God, were there so many questions), she found herself in the waiting room of Gainseville's very own psychiatry clinic. A place she never thought she'd be in, much less for her own child.

"Mr. and Mrs. Sanders?" A familiar voice called out. When she looked up she saw Dr. Limin and felt as if her stomach acid had turned to cement.

Their worries weren't lessened when they walked into the small office and Thomas didn't even acknowledge them. Their own son was too caught up in his own head to even notice them anymore, and the two parents couldn't think of anything more painful than that. They were watching their son drift farther and farther away with every day that passed.

"Well, I have some good news." The doctor could see the relief, if little, on the parents' faces. "He shouldn't need any form of medication for now. Though," she stopped to clear her throat and think how to phrase her next words. "You need to understand that before he gets better, he will get worse. There will be days when he's unresponsive and others it will seem as if he is just like any other child.

"Look, I know it may seem unprofessional for me to say in this setting, but I truly care about Thomas and it has been a joy working with him. He's smart and is wiser than his years. Sure, it took awhile to get through to him, but he's a super sweet and smart kid." Dr. Limin smiled, it reaching her eyes as she talked about one of her favorite patients. "Just know that he's still your son. If I could put him on medication, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I truly feel as though it wouldn't be the best option, as Thomas' hallucinations don't seem to be harmful yet."

"So we just sit around and wait until Thomas finally loses it?" The father asked, bitterness lacing his deep voice.

"As much as I wish I could say no, that seems to be the case. Putting him on any form of anti-psychotics at such a young age could cause him to be semi-comatose, or to put it simply, be unable to function. He should stay on the anxiety medication he is on now and we'll change it if need be."

"Well-" The man began to argue, but he stopped once his wife laid a hand on his thigh.

"Honey, she's _right_." She smiled and unlike the doctor, her faux happiness didn't reach her eyes.

The father glanced at his son, who was currently staring over at the wall with a small grin. And maybe it was for the best.

The doctor cleared her throat. "I wish you both luck, and more-so to Thomas. The lil' guy has a long road ahead of him."

And he did, a very long one of that.

Thomas was always too busy daydreaming to pay any attention to his parents much. This was the same when they came back into the room with the pale, tan walls. The trio discussed words he could never dream of pronouncing.

Anxiety.

Paranoia.

Hallucinations.

One however, he did understand;

**Reality.**

**...**

**'Gainesville Pediatric Psychology**

**Sanders, Thomas;**

**Age: 9**

**Sex: Male**

**Diagnosis: Early-Onset Schizophrenia'**

**...**

* * *

She watched bitterly from the shadows of Thomas' mind. It wasn't fair that they got to be happy and show themselves around Thomas. Hell, she would have shown herself already if it wasn't for that _insufferable_ Logic.

Her angry face shifted into a wry smile as Virgil said that he didn't want to disappear, didn't want to be taken away. Maybe she'd have to do just that. But for now she had to be a lingering reminder of what was to come; put on the back burner.

Just like the love of her life, who was replaced by the (somehow even more intolerable and pathetic) Virgil. She'd kill to see him become even more pathetic, embrace his role as anxiety, as she ripped him apart limb by limb.

And the side would do just that, once she got the chance. It would be like a game of chess; she'd have to knock out the other pieces to get to the king, and in the endgame, she'd finally have what she wanted--full control of Thomas' pathetic little mind so she could live out her life with her boyfriend.

Soon, she'd get rid of the pieces keeping her back.

"I'm coming for you, my love." Psychosis whispered into the darkness of her room in the Mindscape.

_And that, she was._

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is @sanderstothestanders, come shoot me a message or ask if you want to chat!


End file.
